Hi. I’m Dana. I make stuff.
My life’s been completely turned upside-down. It’s taken me a while to get clear on what’s going on and what I should do next, and that process isn’t finished.
Part of the process has been realizing that the working world is a lot different than I remember, and it wasn’t a picnic when I was last in it, either. I’m not a snob or a princess and I don’t think I deserve to be spoiled but I keep running into evidence that the people who employ see the people they employ as a bunch of dumb animals meant to be moved around to do this and fix that with zero consideration for the dumb animals’ needs. And so much of the available work just seems pointless. I have an account on LinkedIn, and most of what I see there are rich people in make-work jobs that I could not explain to you in simple language upon reading the description. This is what the world’s burning for? Really? Why? Meanwhile I cannot even get simple consideration for my health issues if I want to earn more than minimum wage, and I can’t get it at minimum wage either.
And that’s when anyone looks at me for a job. Which they mostly don’t.
And that’s when I’m even suited for the job. And I’m mostly not.
It’s my fault. I had twenty years in which to get myself sorted, and I did keep starting attempts at it, but for various reasons I faltered and failed. I ask myself over and over why I did that, and there were a lot of factors involved, but at the end of the day there’s not a lot out there I actually want to do. The things I want to do don’t make a lot of money unless, like, you become a huge hit on social media or something. Which most of us never do.
And, well, I’ve pretty much hit bottom, or very close to it, so I thought, Well, as long as I’m here, I might as well do what I want. There really aren’t any rewards waiting for me for putting myself into situations I hate or can’t keep up with. And it’s more often the latter. I have to get my life more sorted than it is before I might develop any physical capability for some of this stuff, and I have to go through certain biological changes before I lose some of my disadvantages for other stuff.
It’s been very frustrating. I am tired of being frustrated. I want better.
So… I don’t see why I shouldn’t mostly just do what I want. I still have to pay my dues and do something that doesn’t pay as well as I’d like, but right now my expenses are minimal and I’ll take the bullet.
(I feel that, as an American, I should specify that. Metaphor. METAPHOR.)
But I’m not going to kill myself with that stuff once I get a few important goals out of the way. I need to do what I want to do. I have not gained a single solitary fucking thing that I wanted to keep in life by doing what I didn’t want to do. I’ve done almost nothing but what I didn’t want to do for the past twenty years, and all it got me was ruined. Back to the drawing board.
Literally! You get to see what I do on my drawing board now. I keep saying I’m going to do that. Now I have nothing else to do. I don’t even have a social life anymore. Hell widdit.
A NOTE: In the incarnation of this blog previous to this one, I mentioned a mug I had on sale. That account has disappeared, with zero accountability from Cafe Press, and the username isn’t available anymore either. So that’s fucked. I’ll have to figure out something else because I’d still like to design mugs and shirts and things. I’ll poke around, and then we’ll see. Again, stay tuned.